TSB 034: Don't Ask the Question - How did I do?

Read Time: 2 minutes

This week's tip:  The question, "How did I do?" is all about you. Let's shift the focus.

I've done it a million times, and I'm positive that we've all done it at some point or another.

After a board meeting or a big presentation, we see a trusted colleague, and we ask the main question in our mind . . . "How did I do?"

Any insightful person will respond with two or three examples of what you did really well.  The risk-taker will do the same but may add one or two specific examples of things you can do better next time.  The socially-challenged person will dive right into five or six things you need to fix because you asked and they want to be helpful.

While their responses may be helpful, was it the right question to ask?

Asking, "How did I do?" is not a bad question, per se.   

A better question for your board chair, conference host, or audience member might be one of the following:

1. Did my presentation provide what you need to make an informed decision?
2. Did my talk inspire you to take action?
3. Did my words and stories motivate you to think differently about the issue?
4. Did my proposal clarify how we might partner to make an impact?

These questions help you draw the person in by making the question about them without forcing them to judge you. They help shift the focus from seeking personal validation to understanding the impact of your work and the value it brings to others.

By asking these questions, you demonstrate a genuine interest in the needs, perspectives, and experiences of your audience or stakeholders.

Here's why these alternative questions can be more effective:

• "Did my presentation provide what you need to make an informed decision?" This question shows your commitment to ensuring that your audience has the necessary knowledge and understanding to make informed choices or decisions.
• "Did my talk inspire you to take action?" This question shifts the focus from your performance to the impact your words had on others, encouraging them to reflect on whether they felt motivated and empowered to take meaningful steps forward.
• "Did my words and stories motivate you to think differently about the issue?" This question invites your audience to consider whether your narrative had a transformative effect on their thinking, challenging their preconceived notions or inspiring new insights and ideas.
• "Did my proposal clarify how we might partner to make an impact?" This question prompts your audience to reflect on whether your proposal effectively communicated the potential for partnership and the shared impact that could be achieved together.

By reframing your question in this way, you create a more engaging and collaborative environment.

You encourage your stakeholders to share their perspectives and insights, fostering a deeper understanding of how your work can positively influence their decisions, actions, and partnerships.

So, the next time you seek feedback, consider asking questions that shift the focus from self-evaluation to the impact you have on others.

You'll be glad you did! 

That's all for today. I'll see you again next Saturday!

Whenever you're ready, there are three ways we can help you:

1. Register for one of our upcoming workshops here. 
2. Book me to speak at your upcoming event here.
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